We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly

t takes 42 muscles to frown,28 muscles to smile,but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls.

Everything in this room is eatable. Even I am eatable. But that, my dear children, is cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

( dont judge, im tired. these quotes made me laugh )